This was actually a topic I started talking about with a reader via e-mail the other day, so it’s been on my mind.
I have a very, very hard time separating challenges in my life that are due to not being human-souled, and challenges that are due to my neuroatypicality and/or how I was raised.
For example, I have got some kind of severe mental health issues. I can view this from several different lenses. First, I was very genetically predisposed since mental illness runs in both sides of my biological family. Second, because of this, I was raised by mentally ill people and was not taught proper coping mechanisms (on top of a history of abuse). Third, I am a non-human soul, living a very human life in a very human body, and that creates some dissonance.
When I was younger, I was quick to blame a lot of things on my being otherkin. Depressed and missing a sense of home? Otherkin. Anxious around people? Otherkin. Severe identity disturbances and dissociation? Otherkin. Not able to understand a lot of humanity? Otherkin. In chronic physical and emotional pain? Otherkin.
Now that I am older and have started undertaking my version of Shadow Work, and gotten myself into a very stable, very loving relationship, I have found the inner courage for me to start looking at things more at their face value. I was mostly depressed and missing a sense of home not because I was homesick for my past life in my past culture (which does still happen), but primarily because I was stuck in a very unhealthy living situation for the bulk of my life, and rightfully felt unsafe – not conducive to feeling at home, anywhere.
I am anxious around people because I have an anxiety disorder, and because I lived in a place where I was constantly having to walk on eggshells and avoid my father, to avoid being hurt by him more. I have the identity disturbances and dissociation because of my illness and spending most of my life trying to just be whatever or whoever would get me out of any given situation, relatively unscathed. The constant pain is a whole cluster of biological and emotional issues. And come on…most humans can’t understand other humans, either.
All of that being said, there are times I can be hit by a big bout of emo, mourning the loss of having your culture and civilization die away. And sometimes it can be a challenge to keep my mouth shut around my friends who don’t know who/what I am. And god, the tin cans. Tin cans are a real challenge, people. I just can’t wrap my head around how there can be so much metal that you can buy in nice shapes, for so damn cheap, that people then throw away perfectly good containers. (Yes, our apartment is hoarded up with at least a few dozen tin cans, although we do use them for art stuff).
Reconstructing the Labyrinth 