30 Days of Paganism: Beliefs – Patronage and Other Deeper Relationships

I am godowned, by Zagreus. He gave me the choice of whether or not I wanted to be His, and I said yes. I gave myself to Him fully, and completely, and continually do so. It was not until after I agreed, that I learned I never actually had a real say in the matter – neither of us did. Necessity, Fate, Wyrd, whatever concept you are familiar with, said that we were supposed to be together like this. I feel like my being given a choice like that, is rare, even if it wound up not being an actual choice. And going into my relationship with Him willingly, is a beautiful gift.

It is not always easy. I was on a major path towards self-destruction, engaging in self-mutilating behavior and attempted suicide. And then Z swooped in, adopted me, took me in, and has been protecting and taking care of me ever since.

But it is not so easy. Zagreus could have asked me to die for Him, and I would have in an instant. But instead, He asked of me something so, so much harder: to live for Him. To not just survive, but to heal, and thrive. To not submit, but to stand alongside, and learn to like who I am, and to learn to be myself, and to forgive myself, and live a life I want.

We have definitely had our rough patches. I have tested how tight the tether is, how long the leash is. I have wanted to give up, but was not allowed to. I have tried to run away, but was chased after and brought back. It is a strong tie that will not go away, and only continues to grow stronger. Most of the time I am beyond grateful, but I would be lying if I said I was always on board with the healing work, or that if it was not excruciatingly painful a good chunk of the time.

I am beyond blessed to have him, however, and to have him love me as deeply as he does, and for me to love him just as deeply. I know he always has my best interest at heart, because all he wants for me is to be healthy and happy. I consider our relationship to be miraculous.

There are other deities/entities I have a deep bond with. I do not really apply labels to our relationships, because I have not really asked for clarification from them yet; I am not sure I want to, it seems like it could be a lot to handle. Some of the ones I am closer to and whom I expect to continue to be close to for the rest of my life are Sariel, Samael, Dionysus, Hades, the Birch Lady, an angel whose chosen nickname is Kizzy, Ariadne, and some others.

I can go a long time between communicating with specific entities, but I have not really run into too many cases where I just had passing interactions with one. Most of my interactions come from stronger ties than that. There are definitely some entities I have interacted with that I would prefer not to do so again anytime soon, such as Lucifer and Michael. But even then, those relationships are not surface level, either.