As you might have noticed, I missed last week’s PBP post. Things have been pretty crazy around the house, now strewn lovingly with bits of plaster, leather, beads, and clothing as Z and myself are in Do ALL THE THINGS mode.
Unfortunately, doing all the things seems to, despite its name, not actually be all the things. While I am in arts-and-business mode, the spiritwork side seems to not recede, but quieten. My experiences still strike me hard, but I share them with Z who either holds me until I calm down, or laughs with me, or talks it out with me. They do not make it to reflective writing. And they then pass quietly on by, most likely to pounce on me later once I stop for a moment to catch my breath.
So when it comes time to write my PBP posts lately, I start panicking, because I have forgotten how to find words. I am in that place that exists in between the experience, and processing, floating in limbo and feeling lost.
I did not have it in me to write about the other D topics I debated. More on Dionysus. On Death versus The Dead. Dreaming. I do not know if I will have it in me to write about Empathy, or Emotions, or the Eleusinian Mysteries tomorrow and the week after.
But I am doing it anyway. It may not have the amount of my heart I want to pour into it for anyone reading this. It may not make full sense, or be as impacting as it could be, or even say what I want it to say. But I am doing it anyway.
Because, damn it, I will learn that life is not all or nothing, and that I am not a machine or a robot, and that the Universe is more forgiving than I currently believe it to be.